How to Lessen the Pain of Leadership

This week in Portland, Leadership Love reminded me why we gather in the first place. It wasn’t a conference about utilization or profit margins. It was about heartbreak, resilience, connection, and remembering that even when things get hard, sometimes unbearably hard, we can’t simply disappear. We have to keep showing up for each other.

If you, or someone you know is going through something difficult, the article below can help.

When Leadership Hurts Connection Heals

One of the big takeaways from Leadership Love, was seeing how closely our lived experiences lined up with what the science of trauma and recovery already tells us. Trauma isolates. It makes us withdraw, shut down, and lose trust. But recovery? Recovery is built on connection.

Psychologists call this co-regulation: our nervous systems calm down in the presence of others who are steady, open, and safe. That’s why people talk about “feeling lighter” after a hard conversation or why just being in a supportive room can shift the way you carry stress. At Leadership Love, that’s exactly what I saw play out.

There’s also the research on resilience that shows it isn’t about being tough or unshakable. It’s about adaptability, and that adaptability comes from having people you can lean on. Studies on post-traumatic growth even show that those who find meaning in connection during difficult times come out stronger. And not because the hardship was easy, but because they didn’t have to carry it alone.

Building an event for agency leaders around vulnerability instead of efficiency felt really risky. But some of the uncomfortable tension in the room at the beginning of the day dissipated by lunch. People who had been uncomfortable with the emotional side of leadership were leaning into conversations about burnout, grief, and self-compassion. And what changed wasn’t just the topics, it was the way we were showing up, listening, and reminding each other: you’re not alone.

That’s the part I’ll carry forward. Business challenges come and go. Economic cycles rise and fall. But the science and our shared experiences both point to the same truth: healing and growth happen in community. When we show up for each other, we create the conditions where recovery is possible, even in the hardest seasons.

And I am so proud to be in this community with you.

So here's what I’ll leave you with this week: keep showing up. For your teams, your families, and yourself. Because the real work of leadership isn’t pretending you’ve got it all under control, it’s being able to stand alongside others when none of us do. That’s how we get through the hard times. Together.